The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
