You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
