it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The dick lei will go down in squad history
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
