Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
