Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
