I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
