I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
