call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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