Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
