I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
