Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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