I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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