it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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