I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
