tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
