i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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