I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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