Jerry, you need to find god
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
