I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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