Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
