literally had 100 drinks last night.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
