your parents love me but you hate me
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My vagina just clenched in fear
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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