I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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