This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
