Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
