I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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