Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
