So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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