He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
