I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
