so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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