I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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