Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
