You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
whose parrot is this?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
