on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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