and she was petting her beer can
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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