I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
