I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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