why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
