My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
