is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
