Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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