his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
