I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
