i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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