Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
