I want to make a zoo with you.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
