Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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