genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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