She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize