Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
