All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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