that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize