The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
