I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
