I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
should my penis look like a turkey
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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