My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
