Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
