he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
