I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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