i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
