i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
