Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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