it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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