You can't motorboat a personality
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
