my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
