Only a mothe r could love this liver
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize