after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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