i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
