well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
