hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Randomize
