Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
