I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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