The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
did you just send me my own nude
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
