If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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