I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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