porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
