saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize