Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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