Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
