So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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