I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
