As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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