well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
