I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
