You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
