I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
