so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
