I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
