Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I forget how to act sober
Randomize