Your tits are I can't wait for
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
