My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
