Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
