I just saw a hot homeless man
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
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