remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
